Sunday, 25 April 2010

The problem with having expectations...

...is that it invariably backfires on you.

Today backfired in spectacular style and I can't quite decide if I am stupid and childish for actually *wanting* something nice/a nice day for my birthday and to expect it to be more than any other day.

Regardless, I think I can count this as the worst birthday ever.

Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Blah

I think that just about sums it up!

I now have a love hate relationship with this damn shawl - I love the pattern, love the yarn, love how it looks, HATE knitting it, HATE that it has taken me so long and that I just can't seem to knit it for more than 5 mins but neeeeeed to and HATE that I can't do anything else crafty until it is done.  I want to do 6 more repeats of the lace pattern before I start the bottom edge and bind off - but the way I am going that could take me another week and then it needs blocking, drying and posting off...

Have had a stressful morning as the shop admin was hacked, have insurance issues (umm I may have forgotten to change the DD details when we changed banks again) and the LO won't let me make a phone call in peace to sort it, did I mention DD was up a gazillion times AGAIN last night so am knackered AGAIN and am stressed over the husbeast - he is now having a barrage of tests over the next couple of days to try and get to the bottom of whatever is wrong with him.

*Sigh* I just can't concentrate and the whole craft fairy thing is making me more stressed....I could be the first ever mod to be banned from craft fairy LOL!!

I actually feel sick with stress...which is never good.  And yet I am still sat at the puter and not knitting!

Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Sunny days

Ooo yay for a warm sunny day!! It means my hand dyed yarn from yesterday is finally dry and I'm pretty impressed (and can see a new hobby on the horizon!)


And for a bit more yarnie geekiness...take a £6 PPD eBay Bargain Vintage Yarn Winder, a damp cloth to clean it up...


...and voila! 5 minutes later a skein of sock yarn looks like this...cake anyone hehe!


And just to make it all a bit more pic heavy - some pictures of the our fruit tress which are all in blossom

Monday, 19 April 2010

Just another manic Monday....

I'm not a fan of Monday's - never have been :S

Today I have been pretty productive though - hand dyeing yarn for the first time.  I thought I would buy a couple of skeins of naked yarn with my last Violet Green order - meant to buy sock weight but accidently (duh!) bought aran so used the Wilton that I already had in the cupboard in Sky Blue and Kelly Green as DS1 has requested I knit him something with it.  It's drying now so fingers crossed it looks okay - and knits up okay as well!  It was very enjoyable though and I'll definitely do more...hoping to get some kool aid as well as more Wilton's

I really, really have no excuses left and HAVE to sit and knit like a manic thing to finish my craft fairy item....it's actually making me feel anxious now but I just haven't seemed to find time to sit and do much over the weekend.

Fingers crossed as well for the husbeast - who is at the GP in an hour and a half to finally try to get to the bottom of what is wrong with him.

Right - puter off and needles out....

Thursday, 15 April 2010

Brrrrr

Blimey it's cold today!!  The LO have even asked for the fire on whilst they are playing and I'm more than happy to oblige!!

I've had yet another bundle of woolly goodness arrive this morning along with some other knitting goodies...what can I say - I have PayPal and must spend it!!



I really must turn spend today cleaning and knitting - I desperately need to hoover and wash up and am now 2 days behind on my craft fairy project :S  Staying off forums and the shop being quiet is helping but being exhausted and DS2 still being full of cold means I am far from productive!

I think Thistle (the kitty whore) has the best idea - although why she constantly chooses to sleep inside canvas tote bags is beyond me!!

Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Yarn and Sewing

For the last 5+ years my fluffy mail has consisted mainly of cloth nappies, woollies (for cloth nappies) and slings.  They have been my great passion, the basis of many, many of my friendships, the very passion that led me to open my dream online shop and be a WAHM.  Even the reason I joined the forum that I now help mod.

But my babies are growing and DS2 is our last.  At 21 months he is now the oldest child I have ever had without either having a newborn or being imminently due another baby.  Whilst I still BF on demand, he is still in nappies (although he is nappy free at home during the day) and is still worn whilst we are out and for the occasional nap at home, I feel like a huge important chapter of my life is coming to an end...and I don't feel ready.  I feel at a loss and like I suddenly don't belong.   My experience seems to becoming outdated and I feel, well, old!

So, in my usual fashion, I have thrown myself into another hobby and gone back to crafting.  Last year I finally started to teach myself to knit, something I have longed to do since my love for longies etc began (alas rather too late to make my own LO longies and soakers though!)   As I have destashed my baby things I have manically stashed yarn and other knitting notions (Knitpro needles hehe!)
So today's fluff to cheer my up was a large parcel of Schoppel Wolle Zauberball from the lovely Sarah at Brownberry Yarns.  Honestly I now have so much yarn that I could probably knit shawls and socks and other things until I am old and past it...but hey it makes me happy. And if nothing else I will just gaze at the gorgeous yarn and dream of what I could make!

Since my current knitting project - a surprise craft fairy shawl - hit a huge bump last night that ended in me having to frog 2 days knitting (leaving me worried I may not have time to actually finish unless I knit like a mad thing!)  and today I am feeling once again, ridiculously tired and generally pee'd off I decided it was best not to try and do any - instead I am working on my other project of sewing myself project bags and needle cases for my rather vast Knitpro collection. My first project bag is done but is about to be unpicked and have the top sewn again as I am unhappy with it (was distracted and then my needle broke as well as my bobbin running out - one of *those* cursed sewing projects!)


So I will go back to my sewing, ignore the bomb site that is the house after a couple of days of laziness, and try to push the concerns about not belonging and my future to the back of my mind.  The husbeast is away tonight so just me and the small snotty ones to sort out...I feel a rather lazy night of DVD's and snacking ahead!

Tuesday, 13 April 2010

Zzzzzzzz

Urgh - ever had one of those days where just staying awake is a struggle?  At the moment it's a daily occurrence here.

We have over the last couple of weeks changed the sleeping arrangements in the house.  I finally tackled the dumping ground that was a spare room and turned it into a bedroom for DD (who has been asking for a bedroom of her own for ages - up until then she co-slept) and she was ecstatic and loved it....until she was ill over the bank holiday weekend.  Now we have a nightly routine of excuses why she can't sleep in there...."It's really really scary", "It's not pink enough", "The walls are white and I DON'T LIKE white", "The light is purple and I DON'T LIKE PURPLE"  *Sigh*

So with DD moving out of my bed, that meant that after ummm several (5ish!) years of sleeping apart (mainly due to his snoring/apnoea and lack of room due to co-sleeping with up to 3 LO!) the husbeast could move back in.  Which created 2 issues - he had been co-sleeping with DS1 who wasn't best pleased with having to sleep alone (although he actually happily falls asleep looking at books every night) and, as DS2 still co-sleeps, after just one night the husbeast declared that there just wasn't enough room for all 3 of in a double bed...something I was inclined to agree with (neither me or husbeast are petite LOL!)

Cue me spending my hard saved (for an iPhone!) money on a super king size bed.  It arrived at the end of last week and OMG it is huge (and you need a step ladder to get in it!) It is literally the comfiest thing I have ever slept in so am one happy bunny in that respect (and DS1 thinks it's okay as well!)


Sooo....why are we all knackered??  Well, as I said over the bank holiday weekend all the LO caught some crappy cold/flu bug and so they spent several days each up all night.  DS2 is still in the end stages so has a constant stream of snot and is up most of the night feeding.

And then there is husbeast...who has always slept like the dead.  Quite literally, as it normally takes me up to an hour to get him to wake up of a morning and he can sleep through, well anything I have ever tried!!  Over the last couple of years due to working more hours than humanly possible, stress at work etc he is always tired and generally comes home and falls asleep straight the way and spends most of the weekend sleeping too.  At the beginning of the year he was pretty ill and started waking at night (which has always killed him the next day) and we went through a pretty stressful time over Christmas/New Year and we put a lot of it down to stress so when things were resolved at the end of Jan and we hoped/assumed he would start sleeping better.

Suffice to say, he didn't.

So now he gets up up to hourly - is a total wreck and so am I.  When he does sleep his snoring is monumentally bad so keeps me awake.  Worse, there is a high possibility that it's due to a health issue but getting him to to a) go to the GP and b) getting an appointment with the GP are practically impossible.

I've suffered from insomnia for as long as I can remember but this is just a league of it's own with everyone waking up several times a night, we're all cranky as a result and the worse thing atm is I have a rather urgent WIP to finish knitting and am finding lace work and tiredness leads to a lot of swearing and ripping back.  Ack well, I guess I'll make another cuppa (which is decaff anyway lol) and carry on *yawn*

Oooo, a blog!

Well, why not!  Now whether I'll manage to keep up with it or ever let anyone else read it, well that's another matter hehe.   If nothing else I'll post a load of depressing ranting and bore people to tears!

So, why now?  Well, in just 12 days I am 30.  Not that big a deal, I know and in reality being 30 doesn't *really* bother me.  Birthdays however, I always seem to feel sad about and this year more than ever I have been looking at myself and thinking...blah!  So what better milestone to start to try to change the things I'm miserable about and change/improve my perception of myself and life as a whole.  My twenties have been punctuated with more crap than I care to admit BUT I have survived it all, so time to take my thirties for making myself happy.